


I’m Trying

by reigningqueenofwords



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-15
Updated: 2019-03-15
Packaged: 2019-11-18 07:14:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,251
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18115898
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/reigningqueenofwords/pseuds/reigningqueenofwords
Summary: Request: reader is depressed, and cas wants to cheer them up so he asks around about stuff you life, but takes everything litteraly, which ends up cheering you up.A/N: I actually used things I was diagnosed with on November 15, 2013.





	I’m Trying

**Author's Note:**

  * For [fictionalabyss](https://archiveofourown.org/users/fictionalabyss/gifts).



> Request: reader is depressed, and cas wants to cheer them up so he asks around about stuff you life, but takes everything litteraly, which ends up cheering you up.  
> A/N: I actually used things I was diagnosed with on November 15, 2013.

Staring at your ceiling, you sighed. Nothing appealed to you. The boys had offered to hang out, Dean asked if you wanted to help with Baby, Sam asked if you wanted to help in the library, and they’d spouted out a dozen other ideas. You just couldn’t bring yourself to care enough to move.

You were still in your pajamas from the night before, despite the fact that lunch had passed already. Which you didn’t eat. Or breakfast. In fact, the only time you moved was to get a drink and go to the bathroom. 

Hearing a flurry of wings, you glanced over. There stood Cas. “Hello, Y/N.” He said, not moving from the spot that he had popped in at.

You gave him a half-hearted smile. “Hey.” The gorgeous angel had always had a soft spot in your heart. It wasn’t the kind where you wanted to be with him, but you held him in high regard. His presence made you feel safe, warm, and cared for. Of course you were safe with the boys, but there was something about Cas. However, today that feeling wasn’t even denting the veil of depression that took over.

“Dean has informed me that you are not yourself.” You had to raise an eyebrow at that. “Although I am unfamiliar with the emotion, Sam had noted that you may indeed be depressed.”

Sitting up, you sighed. “It happens.” You shrugged. No reason for them to get all upset over it. “I was diagnosed with depression a few years back. Comes as a side effect as all the other _shit_ that I deal with.” Cas’s eyes lost their usual joy and light. “It’ll pass. Always does. Up until now I’ve been able to push it down. Not the _best_ to do, but acting is better than letting them know that I’m _broken_.”

“What other ‘shit’ would that be?” Cas moved to sit next to you. “They care about you, as do I.” He told you gently. “You can talk to us.”

“When I was like twenty-four, I was diagnosed with post-traumatic stress disorder, ocd tendencies, severe anxiety, and then _of course_ , depression was like a tag along.” You groaned. What other way to scream ‘defect’ than all that? “No, I can’t.” You shook your head. “Dean has too much on his shoulders, Sam takes everything and goes overboard, and you’re an _angel_. I think you have bigger things to worry about.” Pestering them with your mental issues wasn’t something that seemed like a good idea. Cas’s face fell further. “Hey. No need for you to get all miserable. Go on. Go help the boys.” You gave him another half smile.

His eyes stared at the floor for a moment before he zapped himself away. You stared at where he had previously been sitting. Sighing, you flopped back again. Hopefully they would just leave you alone until you wanted to be sociable. A few minutes later you crawled under the covers to nap.

Cas had zapped himself to find Dean. “I find I require your assistance.” He remarked. Dean jumped and turned around, glaring. He had given up telling Cas to not just zap in and start talking. “What is something that Y/N is fond of?”

“ _What_?” He asked.

“I intend to cheer her up.” Cas explained. “Again, what is something that she is fond of?”

Dean thought for a minute. “Teddy bears? He shrugged. Cas was gone as fast as he had popped in. “Damn it.” He groaned.

You’d slept for a couple hours before rolling over to get up. Slowly opening your eyes, you were met with a giant face. A giant teddy bear’s face. Screaming, you fell off the bed, landing with a massive 'thud’. The boys came running, not knowing if you were hurt. They burst in your door to see you holding your chest on the floor. “What. The. _Hell_?” You asked, looking to them.

Of course Dean had to chuckle. “Um. I think I know. Cas asked something you were fond of. I told him teddy bears….” He replied. “I didn’t think he’d do… _that_.” His hand motioned to the bear that took up most of your bed. It looked incredibly soft, but you were far too cranky to enjoy it now.

Getting up you moved past the boys. “Scare the crap out of me. Yeah, _that’s_ helpful.” The boys looked at each other and shrugged. Cas had heard you scream and his shoulders slumped as it hadn’t worked. He waited until Sam was in the library to approach him.

“It seems that my last gift had the opposite effect of that I intended.” He began, making Sam glance at him. “What is something else that Y/N enjoys?”

Sam leaned back in the chair and thought for a minute. “She likes the beach.” He told him. “She used to talk about going there all the time as a kid.”

“Thank you.”  Cas said before vanishing. Sam was less effected than Dean was. He knew to expect it.

You were standing in the kitchen, drinking a soda when Cas popped in next to you. Turning to him, you sighed. “Go away, Cas.” You told him, going to walk away. He gently put his hand on your shoulder, and then you were no longer in the kitchen. No. You were standing on some beach, when a storm was about to hit. “Is your plan to get me _electrocuted_?” You asked, glancing at him. He looked perplexed. He sighed in frustration and brought you back to your room. He was being weirder than usual.

This went on all day. You’d been zapped to a field of flowers, a forest, and some natural park. Each of which hadn’t been exactly pleasing, or the right timing. He’d also surprised you with jewelry, which you happened to be allergic to, a dog, which Dean made him take back, and tickets to a band you hadn’t listened to since you were a teenager. It wasn’t like you could just hide, either. He was an angel. Made hiding absolutely pointless.

By that night, you had just hoped he didn’t accidentally zap you somewhere deadly. That would be your luck. You were lying in bed, listening to music and screwing around online when Cas came in and sat next to you. “ _Please_ don’t tell me you’re going to zap me somewhere else?” You pleaded.

Cas gave you a sad smile and shook his head. “No. It’s clear none of what I did today an effect.”

“No, Cas, that’s not it. It’s sweet, _really_. Just…it won’t help. Depression is a chemical imbalance. You could have given me my favorite actor, naked, and willing to do whatever I wanted- it still wouldn’t make my depression go away.” You explained gently. “I just have days that are worse than others.” Thankfully, they weren’t as frequent as they used to be. “You just have to let me deal with them _my_ way. If I want someone to hold me, I’ll ask. If I want ice cream, I’ll ask. Things like that. Okay?”

“I understand.” He went to move.

You grabbed his hand. “Thank you, Cas. It means a lot that you went to such lengths to try.” Which was true. It was touching. “I’ll try to thank you when I’m feeling up to it, okay? Right now I just want to be alone.”

He smiled at you, those blue eyes twinkling. “I hope that happens soon.” Cas said gently.


End file.
